Good Afternoon.
Note: I've been floating around in, well, bouncing off the earth's crust in and out of cyberspace since last Friday morning. My web development platform thingy decided to switch over to a new format and I hardly understood the old one so going to a new one was horrifying and ultimately impossible. I am not a computer genius, I am a grandmother on medication for low thyroid. I finally called a friend who understands this foolishness and he got me up and running again.
Thanks, Zeb. I owe you a cheese platter.
So on we go.
I recently came across an interesting list of rules for writers. They were put together by a guy named Tyler Smith who turns out some pretty good fiction, non-fiction, and poetry. I doubt that any writer follows his suggestions exactly, but here they are for you who write and for you who try to understand us who write. I think I have my pronouns right.
1. Write three hours a day.
Most writers write at least twice that much in a day. Writers are creative weirdos who like to write more than they like to sleep or eat. Writers who get writer's block don't console themselves during these down times by doing normal things like mowing the lawn or filling up the car at the gas station. This is why they hire a lawn service and keep their AAA membership current, that in itself a challenge because writers aren't terribly organized as a rule. They would not make good CEOS, travel agents, plumbers, or anyone else who must follow a schedule and a deadline is just plain emotionally crippling because writers never think a piece is actually done.
2. No Law and Order reruns until after daily writing is complete.
Writing isn't a chore; it's an addiction, but I like this dictate anyway because it means writer weirdos maybe do a few things other people do like watch Law and Order. Or NCIS. Or Downton Abbey. At two o'clock on Sunday, CST, I will not be at the computer. I will be watching reruns of Downton Abbey.
3. No writing on weekends. (You need a break.)
No, I don't. What would I do on my break? Go to brunch with 250 other people plowing through a buffet line? Writers don't go through buffet lines. If they eat out, they go to a quaint, bistro place where there are no suits and no kids. As for the national sport of shopping, it will never be on my list of distractions. I hate to shop, hate it. I buy a new winter coat only when the old one is being held together with duct tape and you surely recall the business about the sweater with a hole adorned with a safety pin. I love that sweater even though I've been given a replacement. Writers don't care what they wear as long as they write.
4. Do something non-writing-related that's artistic once a week to stimulate, i.e. museum, opera, poetry-reading.
I don't have a huge artsy budget but I do have an extensive CD and DVD collection. I listen to classical music every day, although I can't have it on when I write for some reason, and I watch a movie or two every week when I get writer's block orI've just washed my hair. I can't write with wet hair. It has to be dry and piled on top of my head nice and messy. None of this makes sense but that's the point. Writers are really goofy.
5. No drinks while writing.
Ernest Hemingway said he wrote when he was drunk and edited when he was sober but he was Hemingway and could say and do what he wanted. I edit every morning what I wrote the day before and am often quite startled and even amused at what I wrote after an evening beverage. If writing is addictive, editing is compulsive. This is why it takes years to turn outa book.
6. Keep a journal unrelated to the three hour daily writing.
Nope. The old diaries in my family are boring accounts of the weather and the day's events, but serious weirdo writers are in the business of baring their souls so a writer's journal would be a collection of tear-stained or sizzling pages that would traumatize a family member who discovered them after the writer's demise. My husband and I wooed each other for months with e-mails and I'm still trying to figure out how to delete them a second or two before I check out. There's very little about the weather.
Best regards,Elisabeth
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