Good Morning.
I have never been afraid of cemeteries. I recall being taken to these places of beauty and tranquility when I was quite young and checking out the grave markers of several people other than my relatives. Many of the headstones were really old but all of them were fairly simple with minimal signage. For example:
John Cooper b. 1846 m. 1875 d. 1912
Gertrude Cooper b. 1851 m. 1875 d. 1923
Zachary Cooper b. 1880 d. 1881
From this information you could tell that John was five years older than his wife and they had a son who died when he was
a baby. What you didn't know is what John did for a living or whether the Coopers had a lot of money. All the markers were pretty much the same, and even if a few were larger than others, they were mixed in together.
That scenario is long gone. In many cemeteries today you purchase a resting place for your loved one according to how much you wish or can afford to pay. The pricey section, where the grass grows the same and the weather either waters or dries it, is right across the road from the cheap seats, but the separateness assures the buyer with deep pockets that his family member will be surrounded by people of similar means. John's grave marker now declares him to be John Hamilton Cooper, Bank President and Benefactor, 1924 - 2009, and his wife Gertrude Adams Cooper, Beloved State Senator, 1926 - 2006. Their monument is made of gray, black, or pink granite and has artwork - perhaps a pair of pheasants that indicate John liked to hunt, an etching of his prized vintage convertible, or even his likeness and that of his wife. The marker may be in a variety of shapes but the size will clearly be noticeable which is, of course, the point. With the advancements in medicine, Zach is still with us and wanted his folks to have the best.
The cemetery handbook lists the rules about flowers. Artificial arrangements cannot be used between April 1st and November 1st but some people don't worry about rules of any kind; they ignore the sign about 10 items in the express lane and use fake flowers all year long. My observation during my cemetery visits in 2017 is that the families of veterans, easily identified with a flag supplied by the VFW, seem to favor planters of classic red geraniums, but otherwise there's every form of grave decoration imaginable: stuffed animals in pastel colors, balloon bouquets that shortly collapse in a heap, pinwheels spinning around in the breeze, ceramic gnomes lined up in miniature tribute, NFL flags in various team colors, and my personal favorite, a cross fashioned of wine corks. I'll be honest: the $$$ section doesn't have these kinds of adornments and the cemetery personnel don't seem to be as sensitive to the decor in the bargain area, but that's a discussion for another day.
For my part, I understand that people grieve in their own way, but I'd still prefer to find my comfort in the trees, shrubs, and gardens that were planted to convey a sense of peace and serenity. I'd rather toast my husband while I'm watching the downhill during the Winter Olympics than decorate his grave with goggles and a ski hat, and fine New England gentleman that he was, I'm certain he would agree.
Best regards,
Elisabeth
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