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Medical Progress



Good Morning.

The movie Jaws is connected to the polio vaccine, at least on the coasts. Until Dr. Salk came along during the 1950s, parents took their kids to the ocean, thought to be safer from the disease than a public swimming pool. In 1975 the blockbuster movie was released, and summer folks, now inoculated with Salk's drug, decided a dip in the pool was somewhat more appealing than becoming a clump of seafood.

Back in the day, every kid had to endure childhood illnesses like the mumps, the measles, and chicken pox. It was a rite of passage, being spotted or swollen and rubbed down with alcohol or a messy pink lotion. Then the shots came out that took care of those afflictions with a jab of a needle the size of an ice pick. A vaccine was later developed to deal with a cousin of chicken pox called Shingles. Having been attacked by this menace five years ago, I assure you that it does, indeed, look like a colony of angry red ants marching across your skin. I have a scar shaped like a giant amoeba between my eyes and view it as a badge of idiocy because I failed to get the shot.


Other conditions that have recently called for medications in one form or another are not being able to sleep or wake up, not having enough hair or having too much, and not making enough tears or shedding too many. The treatments most often talked about, of course, involve the ability or lack thereof to make babies. Some of the innovations in this particular field require the ingestion of pills or the wearing of a patch that apparently plans a family through osmosis. For those struggling to conceive, it can mean starting a child in a dish or getting injections that result in quintuplets. For the gray-haired chap who wishes he were as robust as a three-year-old stallion but is not, there are pills for a condition, relentlessly presented on television, that have old people gazing at each other and then suddenly sitting in a pair of bathtubs. These folks are soaking the muscles they pulled as they, or at least he, romped around with medicated abandon.


In addition to the cost of the pills and shots that can match a mortgage payment, there's a price to pay for these advances. There are side effects detailed in print ads and rattled off on television that all seem to involve headaches, dizziness, joint and muscle pain, nausea, drowsiness, bloating, difficulty swallowing, heart attack, stroke, and please seek immediate medical attention when you've decided that you'd rather have your dose in a bowl, hopefully something more inspired than chicken noodle from a can. I would, of course, suggest something like a creamy clam chowder with just a hint of thyme or a nicely chilled vichyssoise if you're running a temp or feel otherwise unseasonably warm.


Best regards,

Elisabeth


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