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Lingo Schmingo


Good Morning.


My web development platform thing that gets out my blog changed another format, this time messing up my access to graphics. It drives me bonkers because I am the most computer

illiterate person in the entire United States and just when I get something figured out, they change it again. I have no left brain and freely admit it. My father was brilliant in math and was horrified at my lack of ability and interest in the subject. A six-year-old knows more about computers than I do. A six-year-old probably knows more about math than I do.


I texted my computer guru in Minneapolis and pleaded for help. I am gratified that I even know how to text. I started a couple of years ago and my family members were astonished. In any case,

the guru and I worked for an hour or so on Thursday morning with no success because I couldn't do any of the stuff that he needed me to do in order to straighten out my graphics thingy. He is very patient with me, probably because I used to feed him dinner once in awhile when he lived in my city and he thinks that because I can make a nice Coq au Vin, I will eventually get the hang of what he wants me do with my computer. Hello. Coq au Vin uses the right brain which I have.

Computers use the left brain which I do not have.


"Type screen, then space, then type shot, then space, then type 2019, and then press enter," he tells me. I get to 2019 and look around for enter. Oh there it is, over there on the right. Then there's something about shift+command+3 that will take a screen shot. "Now drag that to an e-mail and sent it to me," he continues, except I don't know how to drag stuff. "Okay, just send me an e-mail and attach the file. Look in your desktop." I know how to attach files, kind of, so I give that one the old college try but it turns out it's the wrong file.


Then there's something about clicking on my Finder thing that turns out to be the blue guy at the bottom of the screen. I can't remember now what he told me to do with it but suddenly he had to go to a meeting which I'm sure was a gigantic relief. I got some coffee from a coffee maker that I actually know how to use and decided to put on some make up I thought would make me feel younger and hipper but it didn't. I glanced in my hand mirror and discovered a new crease between my eye and my eyebrow. Then I saw a stray gray hair in that eyebrow and freaked out.

I grabbed a tweezers and managed to pluck it out after plucking out half a dozen nice dark ones. Now my eyebrow has this sort of gap in it. I saw a gray thing in the other brown but decided to paint it with mascara rather than pluck it.


Back to my illiteracy. I do not know what a byte is but I know that a bug is something that gets inside something and makes it sick. I know what a bookmark is because I have a bunch of them, including the weather report. a thesaurus, the Tchaikovsky Symphony No. 6, several things by Andrea Bocelli, and an outlet where I can buy really cool clothes for pretty cheap. I have no idea what cookies are or a firewall or phishing. I know how to send a link and I can print stuff and send e-mails with copies to people, even blind copies to people I don't want other people to know about. I can change the printer cartridge thing and deal with a jammed up paper somewhere and reset the printer. I don't know what a domain is except I pay $17 a year to have one so I can do my blog. I think I can send stuff to that trash can thing because I wrote down the instructions about how to do it and keep it in my desk drawer. I don't have graphics again today but maybe I will sometime next week. Hang in there with me.


Best regards,

Elisabeth



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